


old friend (it's alright),

by Raging_Nerd



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Depression, Drabble Collection, Ftw!, Gen, General Fic, Mental Health Issues, Non-Linear Narrative, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Song fic, With A Twist, a getting better fic, its alright by mother mother was heavy inspo for this fic, its still platonic in the end, lots of those here, slowly getting better, so much emphasis on getting better, very little hint at romance if you squint, we address mental illness here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raging_Nerd/pseuds/Raging_Nerd
Summary: Is this what it felt like to be alone? Completely undisturbed? He looked around him out of habit, a small smile pulling at his lips when he realized there were no cameras… well, therewerecameras, but not for him. There was no one-way mirror reflecting his face back at him; no fluorescent lighting causing him to flinch; no doctors, nurses, or armoured soldiers coming in and out of his room.He raised a hand to his chest, rubbing his thumb against the cotton of his sweater.No one that he could possibly hurt…It was so different here.After being rescued by Overwatch and finding a new beginning in Watchpoint Gibraltar, Siebren soon finds himself face to face with a soulmate he hadn't thought of in years. A story told in non-linear drabbles, Siebren comes to learn that the road to recovery isn't as easy he was led to believe.
Relationships: Ana Amari & Sigma | Siebren de Kuiper, Ana Amari/Sigma | Siebren de Kuiper, Minor or Background Relationship(s), but you reallllly have to squint
Comments: 38
Kudos: 43





	1. Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy it!

_01\. Sleep_

Freedom… freedom was  _ strange. _

Night has long since washed over Gibraltar, the waves splashing against tall rocks as the small town slumbered. Fingers flattened against the thick glass, Siebren leaned forward slightly, nose barely touching the infinite dark as the water seemed to lap at his feet.

At this time, the base was quiet; not a soul in sight, not a peep to be heard, save for the erratic beating in his chest as his eyes widened in childlike wonder, enamoured with every shift and turn the thunderous waves below him made.

Siebren made a habit of keeping track of sounds, his fingers tapping to an inaudible melody. For instance, now, there was the ever present buzz of the emergency lights, a gentle hum as he counted the pauses between every flicker. Then there was the sloshing water below, muffled, but loud enough to hold his attention as the wind and the world knocked it into action the moment it seemed to settle.

He bit his lip as he willed his heart to settle, releasing a shaky breath and chuckling quietly as it fogged the glass. He dragged his finger through it, watching the condensation disappear with a simple stroke before he pressed his lips into a thin line.

The waves splashed; the moon shone brightly.

His hands fell to his sides, brows furrowing together as he looked down at the ground.

Is this what it felt like to be alone? Completely undisturbed? He looked around him out of habit, a small smile pulling at his lips when he realized there were no cameras… well, there  _ were _ cameras, but not for him. There was no one-way mirror reflecting his face back at him; no fluorescent lighting causing him to flinch; no doctors, nurses, or armoured soldiers coming in and out of his room.

He raised a hand to his chest, rubbing his thumb against the cotton of his sweater.

No one that he could possibly hurt… 

It was so different here.

He was startled out of his stupor at the soft footfalls echoing throughout the common area, and he strained his eyes to see the figure in the dark. It didn’t take him very long to identify the newcomer, however, and another easy smile found its way onto his face.

Feet gracing the floor, he allowed himself to walk towards her, the cool surface of the metal underneath him serving as a grounding device as she finally came into a view.

“I should’ve known you would’ve been awake,” Ana said, handing him a mug. He thanked her silently, humming when the sweet aroma of coffee with a touch of cream filled his lungs. The woman chuckled warmly, and he watched as she moved to take her seat on the couches. “The nights here in Gibraltar are lovely, don’t you think?”

“They are, yes. I enjoy them quite a bit,” he told her, lifting off the ground to float over to where she was. She watched the action with mild amusement, a happy glint in her eye as she reached over to rest her cup on the table. He sat next to her, not truly, only partly. He situated himself above the couch next to her, legs crossed in a lotus position as he tapped his mug quietly. 

He frowned. “Why are you awake so early, Ana?”

She smiled. “I could ask you the same, Siebren.”

He pursed his lips, rolling his eyes as he twirled his mug in his hand, watching the dark liquid spiral into a swirl as they shifted with the movement. Suddenly tired, he leaned back, gravity supporting his exhaustion as his eyes fluttered shut. Ana shook her head, using her fingers to undo the snow white braid in her hair.

“You should sleep,” she said carefully, and Siebren knew this was her way of telling him his thoughts kept her awake. She wouldn’t say this directly, though. “It’s worrying sometimes,” she added, tilting her head as she watched him. He cracked his eye open, turning to look at her. Long hair tumbled over her shoulder as she reached for her tea. “You haven’t slept properly for a long time, my friend.”

A wry chuckle escaped his frame. He wouldn’t give her an answer, no, but his reaction must’ve been enough.

“That settles it then,” Ana said, voice tainted with finality as she stood. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Maybe it came with knowing her for so long, a heavy sigh leaving him as Ana tapped his knee in her impatience. Mug cupped in between his hands, he floated after her, half-heartedly listening to something Reinhardt did at dinner that night. 

He may not have wanted to sleep, but Ana was a stubborn woman. While understanding most times, when she believed something was right for you, she had no shame in making sure it was followed through with. 

Hence why she was walking him down towards the men’s barracks, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. He didn’t do anything to show he noticed her, so he frowned when she huffed, clicking her tongue before smiling.

“You are so loud, Siebren,” she told him, and his eyes widened before he nodded in embarrassment.

In truth, sometimes he…  _ forgot _ that he shared a mind space with the sniper. It was a plausible mistake to make, after all. As an astrophysicist and… whatever you’d call him now, his mind was always moving, always working. For Siebren, there was no such thing as a quiet moment. Even when relaxing, his brain was occupied with keeping track of every little thing around him. Maybe out of habit… or maybe out of necessity, there was no time to ever stop thinking.

And yet he always managed to forget about Ana.

“I’m sorry. Truly, I am,” he started, locking his right foot behind his ankle. “But my mind is so restless.” He turned to her, shoulders falling. “You know this already. I don’t want to be a bother… but in actuality, Ana... I really do not wish to sleep at the moment.”

Siebren said this as if he was admitting to something horrible, voice dropping a bit as he leaned towards her. On instinct, he stopped moving when she stopped walking, chestnut brown meeting icy blue as he tried his best to convey his distress into his expression.

She frowned. “Is that so?”

A brisk nod was all she needed.

Ana sighed, looking down the hall before turning on her heel to head back to the common area. “Well, you’re in luck,” she said, and he raised an eyebrow at her as he followed her down the hall. “I hear the sunrises in Gibraltar are to die for.”


	2. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Siebren meets his soulmate on a busy day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so fun to write! Please enjoy it!

_02\. Coffee_

He always believed there was something special about one’s workspace.

It was where ideas came alive, where inventions were born. Clean or messy, your workspace spoke volumes about that type of person you were; about the type of person you could be! It never failed to send a thrill down his spine, a real, genuine glimmer in his eyes as he thought about it.

His workspace right now… wasn’t his  _ best _ work. In fact, it was quite ugly. There were so many papers sprawled atop the small table, some with sticky notes, others already marred with the ink of his red pen. His brows furrowed together in mock concentration, pen gliding over the paper as he manually graded his students’ paperback reports.

The coffee shop itself was relatively busy for 8AM, a steady stream of people filing in and out. Whether they sat down to eat and drink or left immediately was completely up to the stars, Siebren realized, removing his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose as he observed the other patrons around him.

Light bled through the glass, painting the shop in pretty golden hues. Cars honked, people spoke, and the world slowly cranked to life as the day finally voiced its expectations.

He considered leaving a quarter after eight, the noise and commotion finally getting to him as the red ink in his pen seeped into the paper. It was so crowded now people had resorted to sitting with random customers, some making conversation while others formed a mutual agreement of silence as they worked.

That settled it, he decided, stacking his papers into two piles (marked and unmarked) as he began to pack his things away. Reaching for his bag on the floor, he pulled out two folders, further organizing the reports when he was startled out of his thoughts, a soft curse escaping him as he looked up. 

His eyes widened when he saw the two to-go cups on the table, poorly hidden confusion marring his features as he tilted his head upwards. He didn’t actually know the woman in front of him, and he couldn’t tell you what she was doing if he tried, but she was glaring so very intently so he decided to wait for her to speak before questioning her.

Siebren watched her take the seat across from him, careful not to disturb his papers but comfortable enough to open her own laptop. She pushed the cup towards him, tapping the lid. After hesitant observation, he barely concealed the smile at seeing the order she gave him: coffee with a hint of cream. “I figured I might as well buy you a drink as I  _ am _ intruding,” she said, and if his eyes could widen further, they might’ve.

It was so strange how the universe functioned.

For years, all his studies and research was conducted in hopes of getting to know the universe better. This wasn’t to say that his research had failed him, rather, it only further spurred him on as there was just  _ so much _ humans didn’t understand about the world they lived in. Every second, something changed in the space that held them suspended, something changed as galaxies and planets moved farther and farther away.

But the universe never managed to explain the rare phenomena that was soulmates.

On reflex, his hand moved to knead the skin on the underside of his left forearm, mouth falling open dumbly as the woman raised an eyebrow at him. Long, black hair was kept in a braid, a few stray strands falling into her face as she watched him warily.

His skin burned. He wondered what she had on her hand. Perhaps if he overthought his words he would ruin it for her, Siebren mused, smiling as he shook his head. “Apologies,” he began, watching her closely as he gauged her reaction. “Your words surprised me, that’s all.”

And then there it was, the mild disinterest that bloomed into surprise as chestnut eyes sparkled with unsaid understanding. She looked down at her own hand (the left, like his), before her gaze reached his own. He wanted to laugh at the surreality of the situation: finding your soulmate over papers, coffee, and work wasn’t the ideal location he had in mind. But he didn’t need to show his mirth, a smile pulling at his lips as the woman shook her head, hiding her own smile with her hand.

“This is ridiculous,” she said, and he beamed at the way her smile reached her eyes. “My name is Ana Amari.”

He took the hand she offered, shaking it once. “Siebren de Kuiper.”

“A pleasure to meet you. And of all days,” Ana said, resting her chin in her palm. She must be referring to how busy it was in the shop. It  _ was _ awfully convenient, after all.

Leaving was long forgotten as he stopped rearranging his belongings, folding his hands atop the table as he tilted his head. “I suppose so, but you’re lucky, Miss Amari. I was about to leave when you had placed the coffee on the table,” he admitted, eyeing her twirl the silver band on her finger as she hummed.

“I noticed! That would make me  _ very _ lucky,” she added, a smile on her face. “I thought the whole soulmate thing was a joke considering how rare it was to actually have one.” Her finger ran against her skin, lips pursed in thought before she shrugged. “Besides, no offense, but I don’t like the idea of the universe designing my romance.”

Siebren laughed, nodding. “Of course! I, too, would have a problem with a predestined significant other,” he told her, basking in her approval when she hummed contentedly. This he understood. There was no joy that came with having your life pre-planned before you even opened your eyes. At the end of the day, words are only that: words. And a soulmate was still a person who’s life was still their own.

“I’m glad we agree then, Mr. de Kuiper,” Ana said, her fingers beginning to move against her keyboard, the soft mechanical clicking filling the space they occupied.

Still, he waved his hand, dismissing her words as he lifted his pen to work again. “None of that, Miss Amari. To friends, I am simply Siebren, and you are no exception,” he said, his voice taking on a more serious tone as he tapped the table with his pen. 

His companion shook her head in disbelief. “Friends, hm?” She pondered, looking up at the ceiling before meeting his gaze.“Then call me Ana. Friendship is a two way thing, even for soulmates.”

Chuckling, he took out the report he was working on before he thought to leave, suddenly at ease in the presence of the woman before him. “Even for soulmates.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much! Leave a comment, drop a kudo; I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Much love, stay safe <33333


	3. Similar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep talk with Reinhardt commences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with this one!

_03\. Similar_

The man brandished the paper in front of him, a sparkle in his eye as he flattened it against the table.

“I usually keep all my recipes in my head, but for you, my friend, I’m willing to share it just this once!” Reinhardt said, and Siebren fought the urge to wince at how his voice seemed to echo around the kitchen. He glanced around him to ensure no one had approached them, before sending the other man a dry look.

“You should be more considerate of the time, Mr. Wilhelm,” he said flatly, his glare turning into a smile as Reinhardt barked out a laugh.

Despite his humour, his voice quieted as he moved around the kitchen, grabbing the ingredients he’d need to bake. “You say ‘considerate of the time’ as if we aren’t making cookies at four in the morning,” Reinhardt replied, shaking the jar of sugar in his direction. 

He only offered a quiet hum before he moved towards the table. Suddenly feeling useless, he scanned the recipe before allowing his fingers to move thoughtlessly. The cupboards opened without complaint, the needed ingredients landing on the table as he frowned. Flour, vanilla, chocolate chips… what else? He moved away from the table to open the fridge, picking up the milk before sending it away with a flick of his finger. He shut the fridge with his hand after he grabbed the butter, floating over to the counter to rest it down.

He blinked when he noticed Reinhardt staring at him, childlike wonder painting his face as he rested the brown sugar on the table.

“I will never get used to all the floating you do, my friend,” he said finally, and Siebren laughed carefully. In truth, he didn’t particularly enjoy talking about his…  _ gifts, _ as Doctor O’deorain called them. They were problematic and unwanted; the cause of all his distress and grief. For people to point it out so blatantly only reminded him of the fact that he didn’t exactly fit the criteria of a normal person, hence why he so wished to avoid it in conversation.

But Reinhardt was kind enough to sit with him through his insomnia, so he supposed he could offer him this. Releasing a tired sigh, he fixed a smile on his face. “And by what do you mean?” he asked, chuckling as he suspended the brown sugar in thin air.

The burly man pointed at the jar, watching it in amusement before snatching it away. “That’s exactly what I mean! You make it look so easy! It’s as if you are on an entirely different plane of existence!”

Siebren cringed at this but nodded slowly, observing Reinhardt as he washed his hands. He followed after him, rolling up his sleeves as the other began to measure the ingredients.

“While you might be correct, I can only do what I can due to years of practice and rigorous training,” Siebren admitted, frowning as he watched the other pour all his ingredients into a bowl. While he might know how to cook, baking was a skill he was never given the opportunity to learn. Perhaps sitting on the sidelines was the best course of action for now.

Reinhardt hummed thoughtfully, tilting his head before smiling once again. “And while we might be similar there, I’m afraid that is where our similarities end!”

Distress. He laughed again, fingers unconsciously tapping against his leg. “But I’m sure there are more things that we have in common,” he added quickly, coming to rest on the floor. “At the end of the day, I am simply a human like you. Nothing makes us any more similar than that.”

The other sent him a strange look, checking the batter before reaching for the trays and baking sheets a few feet away from him. “And never once did I deny your humanity, friend,” he said quietly. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily as he began to rub away the crease between his eyebrows.

Out of habit, maybe, he thought of Ana.

Perhaps it was the way Reinhardt was so concerned; a man like him wore his heart on his sleeve and his emotions like an open book. He was so readable, and yet Siebren wasn’t sure he was getting this right. Why was he so worried? Why did he care? Maybe it was because he misread the situation. The conversation never truly was about  _ him _ in the first place, only his abilities, and yet he managed to take the defensive.

He looked away from the ground when Reinhardt sighed, and he frowned when he realized all the batter had been distributed into the trays.

Just how long was he lost in his thoughts?

When Reinhardt spoke again, he spoke as if he was walking on eggshells, voice taking on that of Ana’s whenever he dissolved into one of his depressive spirals. His chest tightened in discomfort.

Just how much was he bothering the man in front of him?

“I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, my friend,” Reinhardt said slowly, turning to look at him once he had put the two trays in the oven. “Ana warned me, but you know how I am,” a laugh, “I get excited and suddenly I’ve forgotten how to hold my tongue.”

At his silence, Reinhardt continued.

“I… it is hard to remember sometimes,” he admitted, and Siebren’s brows furrowed together as he watched him. “Not that I am forgetful, but sometimes it is hard to remind us of what makes us human.” He crossed his arms, appearing to be deep in thought. “I might not know exactly how you feel, but in my own right, there was a time where those around me viewed me differently. After all, I was simply their shield.” A beat passed. “I want to say you are right, but in truth, my friend, you are wrong. While being human might be something that makes us similar, it cannot atone for all of our qualities. Take for example, Winston. He is not a human, and yet I believe if there ever was an ideal person, it would be the genius monkey who gives us our orders.”

There was an odd sparkle in the Crusader’s eye when he looked up from the ground, shoulders relaxing slightly as he nodded. “I know it is difficult. It is unfortunate what happened to you. But you cannot forget what is inside. You cannot let this… ability define you.” He opened his arms as if proclaiming something, no longer looking at him but towards something Siebren couldn’t see. “You are who you want to be! Your gifts do not change that! So what if you control gravity? At the end of the day you still enjoy drinking tea with Ana! So what if people are afraid of you? You still manage to entertain the young ones with your stories!”

Siebren lifted off the ground again, eyes widening in surprise at how passionate the man was. He rested a hand on his chest, catching the fabric between his thumb and index finger. Reinhardt beamed, a broad smile splitting his face when he turned to him. 

“You are more human than you think you are. Never forget that, my friend.”

His mouth failed him then, body in shock as he pondered what he had said. Foot locking behind his ankle, he rattled his brain for answers, heart pounding in his chest. Was this the confirmation he needed? Was this the comforting words he longed to hear? That maybe, just maybe, despite what he had been told, he still  _ was _ a human and not a biological weapon? That he still had thoughts and feelings? That he was allowed to… 

He looked up again, watching as Reinhardt checked the cookies in the oven.

...allowed to just be  _ him? _

At a loss for words, he turned to the doorway when he heard three voices in the hall, girlish giggling followed by that of an exasperated mechanic. He shook his head fondly when Brigitte and Hana appeared in the doorway, matching smiles on their faces as Dae-hyun voiced his apologies from behind them.

“We smelled cookies, so we came!” Hana said smartly, eyeing the counter as Reinhardt placed the cookies on the rack to cool. He waved them inside with a grin, grabbing four glasses from the cupboard. Despite his earlier upset, Dae-hyun moved to fill the glasses with milk, the kitchen suddenly filled with laughter and smiles as the girls picked up conversation with the Crusader.

Siebren blinked when the boy called his name, slowly turning to look at him. 

“Sorry, sir,” Dae-hyun started, rubbing his neck. “I was just wondering if you’d like a glass too. Reinhardt says his cookies taste best when you have milk with them.”

Amused, he raised an eyebrow at his companion, chuckling when Reinhardt shrugged.

He might not have had the opportunity to say thank you, but he believed he finally understood what he meant.

And so he nodded, opening the cupboard and grabbing a cup with a simple swish of his fingers. The three children in the room watched in awe, shock painting their faces as he rested the glass on the counter. Reinhardt beamed in approval, sending him a warm smile before turning to check his delicacies again.

Siebren smiled as Hana picked up the glass, turning it over in her hands before laughing.

“Dude, you’re amazing! I still can’t believe you control  _ gravity!” _

And this time, their comments didn’t get to him. Instead, he finally allowed himself to bask in their excitement, answering their questions with an easy smile rather than a frown. Besides, this was who he was and he didn’t think he’d change it for the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting away from me _very_ quickly... thanks for reading! Much love <3


	4. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siebren is tired but he doesn't know how to say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy it! I really do love this chapter!

_04\. Tired_

Siebren wasn’t a child. This wasn’t a claim that could be argued.

He wasn’t a young man anymore, and despite the effort that went into maintaining his physique, he couldn’t help but find socialization and interaction draining. Despite the fact that he hadn’t interacted with everyone on the base, the ones he had come across seemed like the harbingers of an oncoming storm, keeping him in one place for hours on end as they drilled him with information Siebren was sure he never needed, nor wanted, to know.

This wasn’t to say he didn’t want these things; on the contrary, he desired to commune with other people.

When he was held captive in Talon, he was never given the opportunity to socialize. Doctors and nurses came into his holding cell to take his blood and check his vitals. Armoured soldiers came into his holding cell to equip him with his gear whenever he was needed on the front. Occasionally, the esteemed Doctor O’deorain would grace his presence, expression pinched and stride angry as she approached him with a purpose.

These encounters he didn’t mind, Siebren mused, watching his companion warily as she smiled weakly. They didn’t require him to do much, only smile, sit still, and make sure he didn’t slam anyone into cold, hard metal.

But then there were the poor, unfortunate lower level Talon operatives who were sent into his cell. He didn’t remember their faces, but he could remember their fear in the way they stood; some leaning on crutches, while others held their weapons in their hands even though they knew they wouldn’t stand a chance against him.

In time, he learned to numb himself to their screams, to their anguish. He didn’t ask for inanimate test subjects, nor did he challenge the redheaded doctor that threatened to send him into isolation if he so much as stepped out of line.

He sighed. 

His gaze found Ana’s tiredly, a hand covering his face as he leaned against the wall (he didn’t have to do this, but he couldn’t deny the comfort and stability it offered). She didn’t pressure him to move, instead, she waited until he was ready. It still bewildered him that  _ the _ Ana Amari put up with him whenever he sunk into the hell that was his mind, as patient as ever until he finally pried himself out of his shell.

He looked down the hall, suddenly distracted with the loud, boisterous laughter filtering from the mess hall a walk away. This side of the base was dark, but light bled through the shadows, staining the floor in an artificial yellowed hue that had him craving whatever warmth it had to offer. Unconsciously, his hands curled into fists, chest tightening as he finally,  _ finally, _ floated past the barrier and into the hallway.

Ana smiled, her good eye seeming to brighten in the dark lighting.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” she asked, walking alongside him even though his sad demeanor slowed their pace significantly. He heaved out a sigh when he noticed her frown, the beginning of a headache crawling up his temple as he wrapped his arms around his frame. 

Her voice cut through his paranoia like glass.

He hadn’t realized he stopped moving, eyes widening as he met her gaze. Her words nearly flew through one ear and out the other, barely catching on to the  _ ‘are you alright’ _ sent in his direction. Siebren looked at the ground, shame wrapping him in an inescapable blanket. 

He didn’t enjoy being the cause of Ana’s distress. In fact, he tried his best to be non-existent in her mind if only to make up for the years of torture she underwent because of him. To distress her meant he was being immature and problematic, and Ana shouldn’t have to deal with his problems or fits. 

But… 

His shoulders rose and fell in time with his heart, eyes falling closed as he took in a deep breath.

But he was just so tired.

He didn’t say anything, didn't have to, the material of his sweater caught between his fingers as he met her gaze again.

Slowly, Ana seemed to understand, the crease in her brows disappearing as she watched him. He swallowed when she sighed, moving to cross her arms over her chest as she looked down the hallway. He followed her gaze reluctantly.

Time seemed to freeze as they stood in the hall, the sound of the common area blending into the buzz of the lights above them. If he focused hard enough, he could hear the thunderous waves against the reinforced metal of the base, crashing into rocks and concrete alike as the wind stirred them into action. He looked up when he heard footsteps, a shadow marring the light before it disappeared altogether, fading back into the noise and the hums and the waves and the --

“Would you like to stay and eat in your room?” Ana asked, snapping him out of his thoughts and welcoming him with a guarded smile. “I’m sure  Torbjörn wouldn’t mind if you did. As long as you try his spaghetti and meatballs, no hard feelings will form between you two.”

He couldn’t help but return her optimism, the tension in his shoulders dissipating with her words. In truth, he felt bad. A part of him wanted to go with her to see just what the agents were like after hours, but another part of him, the weary part of him, was simply content with spending the rest of the evening by his lonesome.

“That would be wonderful,” he replied, hoping his gratitude was rightfully expressed in his words. It must have because she simply shook her head, the smile on her lips brightening as she made her way to the kitchens without a care in the world.

He didn’t move, not even after she left, Siebren didn’t move. He stayed where he was, hands behind his back as her voice joined the choir in the common area. It blended in seamlessly, as if she was the missing melody that they needed, the tune they sang finally sounding perfect as he dwelled on the notes.

So understand his shock when she rounded the corner once again, surprise colouring her features as he met her gaze. In her hands was the dinner she promised him, and he suddenly remembered what he was supposed to be doing.

But Ana didn’t judge, chuckling quietly as she shook the plate in front of her.

And for once, being tired didn’t seem so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and leaving comments! I literally get so excited when I see them in my inbox XD!!!
> 
> Much love, stay safe! Thank you so so so so much!! <333333333


	5. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Siebren offers some wise words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter! Please enjoy it <33

_05\. Rain_

If you had pulled him aside a year ago and told him he would spend a week or two beyond the Dutch border, he was positive he would’ve laughed and brushed off your claim. To him, his work was his life, and nothing, absolutely  _ nothing, _ could take him away from it.

And yet the heavens mourned as they stood on the pavement, the clouds dark and heavy as they poured their tears out on the world below. No light graced the earth, the sun hidden behind a thick sheet that didn’t wish to split any time soon.

Her face was that of stone and ice as she scrolled madly through her phone, doing her best to check emails and the like as she balanced her daughter on her hip. Fareeha, as he had come to know, was sleeping, eyes shut as her chest rose and fell in her dreaming. The child’s face was calm as she dozed, unconscious to the events around her. For a moment, Siebren wondered how it just might feel to be so unaware, so out of tune with what was plaguing him. But then he remembered his years of freedom had long since passed, accepting the burden of reality all too warily once again.

He held the umbrella over the heads of the two women, lips pressed in a thin line as he adjusted the small bag Ana had given him that contained Fareeha's things. At this point in time, he really did wish he could be of more use. There was nothing much he could do to salvage the… already poor relationship between his soulmate and her significant other. And while he didn’t mean to judge (it was simply an observation), the effects of prolonged silence and disagreements were physically taking a toll on her wellbeing.

The rain was relentless, its assault slowing for a moment before it returned in full force, bruising his jacket even as he fixed the umbrella above their heads. Ana sighed, frowning as she raised her phone to her ear, expression pinched as she stared ahead.

He couldn’t deny the crippling anxiety that held him bound, picking at the loose threads in his jacket pocket as he half-listened to her converse on the mobile device. Instead, he tried to focus on calming himself. It only made sense as he could only feel strong emotions from her, not thoughts, not sounds, not words, only intense feelings she experienced in any given moment.

Which would explain why he was so weary of feeling angry. He shouldn’t feel angry, had no reason to, but Ana was angry and so was he.

Taking a deep breath, he tuned out the conversation that was quickly turning into an argument, shoulders falling as he tilted his head backwards. The dark sky greeted his curiosity, and for once he wasn’t distraught with the rainwater that left a crystal sheen on his face. 

Siebren blinked when Ana turned to him suddenly, the phone pulled away from her ear as she sent him a weak smile. “Do you mind holding Fareeha? I need to take this call and I don’t want to wake her,” she said, gesturing to her daughter.

He nodded out of habit, fixing Fareeha’s bag on his back as he took the child into his free arm. Ana fixed her head on his shoulder, brushing her short hair once before stepping away from the comfort of his umbrella.

It bothered him, truly, seeing her so distraught, her voice carrying across the wind and rain even as she stopped a few ways away. The rain clung to her clothes, to her hair, but he was sure Ana didn’t care, body tense as she spoke into the phone. It reminded him of a cat ready to pounce, weeks, months, maybe  _ years, _ of stress and miscommunication bubbling up in nothing but a single moment.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed, the minutes slipping away as she argued, slipping away as he did his best to conjure up all the positive memories he could think of from the past few weeks. Fareeha shifted in his arm and he sighed at the sight of the darkening sky. 

When Ana returned to the umbrella, Siebren’s eyes widened in momentary shock. He had never seen her look so… so  _ dejected. _ Ana Amari wasn’t one to look so weak, so helpless, and yet the conflicted emotions that flared in his chest only proved how sad she actually was.

But he didn’t push her for an answer.

Instead, he gave her daughter to her, relief flooding his frame as she kissed the crown of Fareeha’s head. Silence enveloped them as he tilted the umbrella over the two of them once again, brows furrowed as he waited for her to speak.

He didn’t have to wait long, a smile tugging at his lips when she finally looked up at him.

“I’m sorry,” she started, holding Fareeha closer to her. “I’m sorry you had to see that…  _ listen _ to that.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry, really. I’m usually not this… problematic.”

He chuckled, shaking his head as they started to walk, disturbing puddles as the rain continued to pour. “It’s quite alright, Ana,” he replied, stuffing his free hand in his pocket. “You shouldn’t have to apologize for things you can’t control.”

Siebren stilled when she began laughing, shaking her head as she strayed away from the umbrella unconsciously. Instinctively, he fixed it above her head. 

“I should have been able to control this, fix this” she said bitterly, brows creasing together as she frowned. “It shouldn’t have been that difficult to maintain a happy and healthy relationship --” she brushed Fareeha’s hair, “-- my daughter needed her parents to be in a happy and healthy relationship.” 

He frowned, opening his mouth to speak, but she beat him to it. “Sam and I have been together for as long as I could remember. We’re married, for Christ’s sake.” Her voice faltered, the agitation in her tone slowly turning into a mellow tiredness. “But I should have known it wouldn’t have lasted.” 

Her eyes widened comically as she shook her head, feigning offense as she looked up at him. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret having my daughter. If I did, I’d be a horrible person," she exclaimed. He chuckled, nodding as he bid her to continue.

“But I should have done something before it got even worse. I saw it get worse right in front of me, and didn’t do a single thing about it.” A hand through her daughter’s hair again; a heavy sigh from her lips. “I should have fixed it. I know I could have if I had just…  _ done _ something. Anything!”

She rubbed her nose again, shaking her head as her eyes fell to the ground. He sighed. This wouldn’t do.

“Ana,” Siebren said flatly, snapping her out of her stupor as her gaze met his. “You can’t blame yourself for situations and events you can’t control. Your past self from two years ago wouldn’t have known your relationship with Sam would suffer. And even if she did, she probably thought there would be an opportunity to salvage it.”

The woman huffed, shoulders rising in rebuttal, but he held up a hand, effectively silencing her retort. He smiled as he fixed the umbrella above the two women before him, ignoring the glare Ana sent him.

“And maybe, Ana, there  _ is _ hope. You can’t give up just yet. I understand he might not want to see you at this moment in time, but that doesn't mean the situation is hopeless.” He nodded at Fareeha, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding as Ana finally let her hand fall from her hair. “Do what you think is best for your daughter. Maybe you’ll smooth things over. Maybe you’ll part on a consensual note.” He paused, mulling over the words in his head before sighing. “Whatever you do, just know I stand beside you. I always will.”

He beamed when she returned his smile.

“The universe thought us together all on its own. Who am I to go against its wishes?” he asked, gesturing to the night sky above their heads.

Ana rolled her eyes at his dramatics, pulling Fareeha closer to her as she looked up at the stars. A shiver as she turned to him again. “No one at all,” she replied after a moment, resuming her pace as they continued their walk to nowhere.

She broke the silence again, raising an eyebrow at him. “Promise me you’ll always be the level-headed one,” she said, shushing her daughter when she shifted in her sleep. “I might be the second-in-command, but you’re the astrophysicist,” she added, and Siebren laughed, shaking his head as they approached his car.

“I can make no promises, but I can assure you I will try my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you liked it, maybe leave a comment and a kudo! I'd love to hear your thoughts! See you in the next one, lovelies! This fic is getting away from me.


	6. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana is very proud of her soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy it : )

_06\. Silence_

One thing Ana loved about her small apartment in Cairo was the beautiful view of the city at night.

It wasn’t often that she and Fareeha had the opportunity to go back home; with her busy at work in Switzerland and her daughter furthering her education in Canada with her father, there simply wasn’t any time that had them both in the same place when they were free. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t like coming home, either. In fact, Ana wished to be home in the country of her birth whenever she could. There was nothing she loved more than the people and the sights; the food and the markets. She longed to be able to speak her language every waking day, but life called her away much too often for her to give into her indulgences.

She glanced up at Fareeha when she sat down beside her, the only other seat available on the tiny patio taken up by the teen. The distant whoosh of cars rushing past and people murmuring was quickly muted by her daughter’s tablet, the familiar words Ana had become accustomed to filtering through the small speaker.

A dry chuckle left her lips as she set down her crochet hook and yarn. She didn’t have to ask her daughter what she was watching -- she had only read it a million times in articles, and heard it even more from any and all holovids fascinated with one of the biggest discoveries of the decade. 

Out of habit, surely, her head tilted up towards the heavens, the moon and the stars painting her face in a pale glow as she looked into the expanse of space. Up there, hundreds of miles away from home, her soulmate was trying to harness the very power of a black hole. 

  
It amused her, really, how adamant he was on conducting this experiment, a genuine twinkle in his eyes when he went over the procedures before he left. She hadn’t understood them, obviously, but she nodded along nonetheless, trying her very best to make sense of his words as he poured them out on paper.

“Uncle is going to go down in history, isn’t he?” Fareeha asked, and Ana looked over at her daughter to see her rocking in her seat. She gently reminded her to sit properly, laughing at the child’s exasperated sigh as she fixed her chair. Instead, Fareeha turned the chair towards her, leaning over the table as she looked up at her mother. “I mean, this isn’t just some mathematical equation; this is the real thing, right?”

Ana smiled, resuming her knitting. “Of course, Fareeha. All of Siebren’s work has led up to this very moment,” she said, her voice taking on a near whimsical tone as she looked at the sky again. “Imagine the good that can be done with a black hole.” There was a rare glimmer in her eye as her chest tightened in anticipation. 

The two dissolved into silence, but Ana could no longer focus on the task at hand, the excitement and joy flooding her frame proving it too difficult for her to sit down in one place. Quickly, she stood, resting her things down before leaning on the balcony railing. Her eyes widened.

“Fareeha, look,” she exclaimed, tapping her daughter’s shoulder as she pointed at the sky. “How coincidental it is for the ISS to grace our skies tonight,” she whispered, and Fareeha nodded from her place beside her.

For a moment, Ana thought she might’ve been sick with how happy she felt, a fond smile pulling at her lips as her daughter hooked their arms together. The joy that seemed to make her heart want to jump out of her chest wouldn’t cease, and she found herself biting her lip in anticipation as they watched the ISS drift across the dark expanse.

With the happiness, however, came a mild discomfort… almost like a nervous energy that threatened to gnaw and chew away at the glee in her chest.

It didn’t surprise her that Siebren would be nervous. For all his talk and intelligence, he really was a nervous wreck that happened to backtrack one too many times when it came to making his own decisions. Heaving out a sigh, she smiled at her daughter before taking a deep breath, trying her best to experience complete calm by relaxing herself.

Fareeha joined her not long after, familiar with the action as their breaths measured out together.

She bit back a smile at the quiet thanks that filled her heart.

When the space station drifted too far for them to see anymore, her daughter insisted it was time to get inside, the cool, night wind and sticky heat making their evening much too uncomfortable for her liking.

The apartment was calm, eerily silent as she moved towards the kitchen. Fareeha went to her room, the door creaking as Ana turned the kettle on, leaning on the counter as it started to boil. The water began to bubble as she sat in the dark, arms crossed and eyes closed as she relished in the excitement that pooled in her gut --

Only to jerk as a sudden pain began to throb against her skull.

Ana winced, bringing her hands up to her head as she began to massage her temples, the pride, joy, and thrill she felt a moment before dissolving into a terror she was positive was worse than anything she had ever experienced.

She groaned, chest heaving as her hands searched for leverage, the whistling of the kettle nothing but the sound of nails being dragged across the chalkboard.

It took her a moment too long to realize the fear in her chest wasn’t her own, eyes widening as she shuffled backwards against the tiled floor. Ana drew her knees up to her chest, the sudden shadows that loomed in the dark appearing almost violent in her eyes.

She couldn’t hear Fareeha calling her name, couldn’t recognize the hands that grasped for her shoulders.

Instead, all she could focus on was trying to catch her breath, shoulders rising and falling in time with a metronome that wasn’t there. She froze, hands trembling as she pulled them away from her legs, only to have her lips part in a silent scream as a white hot pain seared across her skin, arms shaking as her body seemed to be  _ tearing itself in half. _

Her mind began to sing; began to sing a stupid,  _ stupid _ melody she couldn’t ignore, teeth gritting together as the pain became too much, as the music became too much, as the bloody universe became too much for her to handle as her body  _ shook. _

And then as fast as it came, it went, snubbed out like a flame in the dark. 

Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, the words of her daughter finally reaching her ears as Fareeha babbled. She trembled when a cool cloth was placed on her head, the sight of her child greeting her a moment later.

“Are you alright, Mum?” the teen asked, concern lacing her voice as she took one of her hands in hers.

She stared for a moment before remembering. Mum. That was her.

Ana nodded, pulling herself up to her feet as she removed the cloth from her forehead. Fareeha cursed, placing a hand around her waist to balance her when she rocked on her feet, but Ana couldn’t bring herself to care.

She blinked, placing a hand over her heart as she waited. Her daughter didn’t move, gluing herself to her mother’s side. Like her, Fareeha was patient.

And so they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until it finally occurred to Ana that there was no gentle hum in the back of her head; there was no ever present excitement in her stomach; no joy, no terror, no nervousness, no fear --

And for the first time in a long time, Ana suddenly remembered what it was like to not  _ feel  _ her soulmate.

Strange. It was so horribly strange. Almost as if someone ripped away the part of her heart that felt things, that reacted to change. It was as if she couldn’t function; as if someone had tore the very emotions from her chest and replaced it with a deafening silence.

Her eyes widened when she realized she couldn’t feel  _ him. _

Ana gasped, hands flying to her mouth as dread washed over her, tears forming at the corners of her eyes as Fareeha walked her to the couch. She accepted the tea when it was presented to her, ignoring her daughter’s pleas of ‘what happened’ and ‘what’s wrong’ in favour of turning on the small television.

She was thankful she wouldn’t have to explain it, resting her cup on the coffee table as the news anchor began to speak. Her heart was already hardened, already numbed when Fareeha dropped her own cup, the hot liquid seeping into the carpet and couch fabric as her daughter began to shake.

They didn’t move as the news station went over the news again and again, her hand slowly combing through Fareeha’s hair as they listened.

Her chest was so unbelievably empty.

Siebren was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I swear the next few chapters are fluffy (with a dash of angst), but mostly fluffy! Leave comments and kudos! I love them! See you in the next one! Much love, stay safe <3333


	7. Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siebren forgets something important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading! Please enjoy it!

_07\. Forget_

There was no other way to explain it: he had made a horrible mistake.

He came to this realization rather late, his thoughtful expression morphing into one of panic as he watched the doctor run into the cell, her eyes wide as she fell by the boy on the floor. The child, himself, groaned helplessly as he nodded along to her words, wincing before he relaxed in her hold.

They gave him a gift; they thought he had done well -- and like a fool, he wasted it with one simple error.

He stared in shock at the scene before him, eyes wide and hands twitching by his side as he watched the doctor speak to the boy, terror written into her features as she sent him cautious glances. The brunette next to her nodded along quickly to whatever order she gave, and he tried not to meet her gaze when she looked at him warily.

Not even a month into his imprisonment and he had already killed someone.

No one confirmed this, of course: it was simply a conclusion he spun together as he observed them. There was no other possible result he could have come up with; not with the way they stared as if he was a monster from a children's story.

He didn’t actually mean to hurt the boy; no, it was a regular occurrence for  him to join him in his cell, a smile on his face and a player in hand as he allowed him to sample through his selected music for the day. In truth, Siebren cherished these visits. Besides the doctor, there was no one else who came to see him, no one else besides this boy who seemed like he could put the sun to shame.

Even as he floated there, motionless, he couldn’t recall what had initially made him so angry, couldn’t recall why he brought the child into the air, only to slam him into the hard floor below. 

He stilled for a moment, only to look around frantically. Surely the girl had left to bring in his punishment; whether it be a sedative of the confiscation of his belongings, he didn’t care -- as long as it wasn’t being put in a small room for weeks on end. Anything but isolation.

The girl came back with a woman whose face he knew but whose name escaped him. Her hair sat in a braid thrown around her neck, a blue scarf loosely wrapped around her head as she looked up at him. He flinched, his heartbeat growing near erratic as he pushed himself into a corner, the pity on her face probably nothing but a facade. He couldn’t read the sadness in her expression, nor did he want to address the sudden pain in his chest as she knelt down beside the doctor. The women whispered something to each other as the girl tended to Lúcio, her face distraught as she listened to their conversation.

Siebren froze when the white haired woman looked up, dark oak meeting clear blue as she watched him.

He wanted to hold her gaze, wanted to prove he wasn’t weak, wasn’t concerned, but his head jerked the moment they brought in a stretcher, placing the boy on it slowly before disappearing through the door.

Silence wrapped him in a suffocating blanket as he sunk to the floor, the cool of the concrete acting as a leverage as he swayed. He brought his arms around himself, thumbs rubbing circles into his shoulders as he sat in the corner, no longer caring about his audience as the music in his head began to swell.

She spoke as if she had wanted to disturb the orchestra. “Mr. de Kuiper, are you alright?”

Was he alright? No, he wasn’t alright. In fact, he was greatly distressed; but he wouldn’t tell her this, he mused, choosing instead to treat her with no response.

He watched her carefully as she moved throughout the room, staring at the small cracks in the flooring before walking towards him. His eyes widened, and he knew his concern was no longer masked when she stopped, opening her mouth to speak before shaking her head.

His body relaxed when she sat on the floor a few feet away from him, mirroring his position as she drew her knees to her chest.

A beat. “Do you remember me?”

He looked up at this, frowning at her words. This must be a test! She was just here to stall for time and make him cooperative. Any moment now  _ those  _ people will storm in here and take him away. He glanced at the walls, trying and failing to find any cameras. They might have dubbed him as foolish and useless, but he knew how to care for himself.

Still, he sagged in relief when he didn’t find anything, gaze lingering on the one way mirror before his eyes found hers in silent thanks.

“I know your face but not your name, and yet you seem to know mine,” he said quietly, gripping the material of his sweater. She hummed at this, moving her fingers to her braid as she began to undo it. He watched her curiously, staring at her hands as snow white hair fell away, wavy from time spent interlocked.

The woman laughed. “Knowing you, you probably have more questions for me, hm?”

He stared at her dumbly before remembering he had to provide an answer.

“Precisely.”

Silence. Then, embarrassment.

“Apologies,” he stammered, worrying away at a loose thread. “I had wanted to know what my punishment would be.” He ignored her loud inhale, holding his chin as he frowned. “It seems you and your colleagues are delaying it, and I would like to get on with it as soon as possible,” he said quickly, nodding once to confirm.

He blinked at the surprise on her face as her fingers stilled, slowly falling into her lap. Her voice sounded hoarse. “Your punishment?” she muttered, and he nodded again.

“Yes, my punishment,” he echoed, raising an eyebrow at her. “I’ve done a horrible thing. I’ve killed the boy.” 

He shook his head before his eyes grew wide, alarm and panic filling him with his dread as he lifted off the ground. How could he have possibly forgotten!? “The child! Is he alright!?” he hissed, bunching up his sweater in one hand as the other flew to his hair. “I’ve killed him! I’ve killed him! I didn’t mean to! It was an accident!”

She was standing now, words falling from her lips, but he couldn’t hear her over the music in his head. And then he was in her face, gripping her shoulders as tears began to form in the corner of his eyes. “He was the only one who came to see me! The only good thing here! And I’ve  _ killed him!” _

Siebren groaned, pulling away as he curled into a ball. “He’s dead. The poor child is dead. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to --” his gaze snapped over to hers, feet gracing the floor as he walked over to her. “You know I didn’t mean to, right? I would never want to kill him! It was a mistake! He’s too kind; too good. The world needs more of him, and oh god, I’ve  _ killed him.” _

He jumped when she yelped, breaking out of his trance as he watched her float into the air. Besides the slight shock on her face, she seemed relatively calm, almost as if she had been in this exact situation one too many times before.

“I can assure you Lúcio is fine,” she said gently, fixing her scarf as it began to spiral away from her. “But I need you to relax. I would like to feel the floor under my feet, Mr. de Kuiper.”

That’s right. He had already hurt one too many people like this today.

Slowly, gently, Siebren steadied himself, his heart becoming a rhythmic thud in his chest as the woman came to rest on the ground. She dismissed his stammered apologies, producing a handkerchief from her pocket for his tears.

“Apologies. I thought I had killed him. He looked so still…”

“I know what you saw even though I came a little late,” she replied, taking his arm as she led him to his bed. Out of habit, maybe, he allowed her to sit first. “But I’ll have you know it would take much more than a simple knocking to kill that one.” She smiled. “Lúcio is a strong boy.”

Siebren hummed as he sat beside her, watching his hands as he laced them together. “Lúcio… I had forgotten his name too," he admitted, appearing almost sheepish. He paused, mulling over his thoughts. “Just as I’ve forgotten the doctor’s, the brunette’s, and yours.”

She sighed, a gentle smile on her lips. “The doctor’s name is Angela Ziegler, and the girl with her was Brigitte Lindholm.” A laugh escaped her as she beamed, shaking her head as she moved to stand. “I still can’t believe you’ve forgotten me again, Siebren.”

He frowned. This had happened before?

Guilty, he pressed his hands into the fabric of his pants, brows pulled in pseudo concentration as he thought. "I feel like I should know you,” he complained, distraught. “In fact, I am positive I do know you, and still…!" He sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took in a deep breath. "Your name, it is right there on the tip of my tongue, and yet the syllables…!"

The air pulsed with his frustration, each word that escaped him only further amplifying the heavy weight that threatened to press against his skull. He didn’t know what he was doing; he couldn’t tell that the gravity in the cell was like a fire blanket, dragging him down, down, down --

_ Down, _ until she placed her hand on his shoulder to pull him out of his head and away from the music.

“My name is Ana Amari.”

He froze, mouth snapping shut as he looked up at her. Unconsciously, he reached for his wrist, thumb sweeping underside his left arm where the words he read but couldn’t understand sat imprinted in black ink. He couldn't tell you why the action brought comfort to him, but it did nonetheless, indulging him in a strange calm that allowed him to breathe.

She smiled again, brown eyes twinkling as she tilted her head. 

"Do you remember me now?" Ana paused for a moment. "Or would calling you 'Siebren' do the trick?"

He flinched, for it had been far too long since he had been referred to by his name, a name he forgot himself on one too many occasions. The woman, Ana, she was important, wasn’t she? She knew his name, she knew his nervous ticks… she kept her distance when he showed discomfort.

She knew him too well and yet he couldn’t remember her at all.

Shame overwhelmed him as he bowed his head, gaze fixed on his interlocked hands as he shook. “I’m afraid not, Miss Amari. If I had known you in the past, I’m deeply upset that I can’t remember you now.” He lifted his head, meeting her eyes warily. “I’m sorry. I’ve failed you again.”

Ana sputtered. “Again?” she said, and he frowned when he heard the smile in her voice. “It’s quite alright that you’ve forgotten. I won’t hold that against you. Years and years of isolation and torture did not benefit your case, but I can help you to remember everything you’ve lost if it is what you want.”

Siebren stared, ignoring the tears in his eyes as he looked at his hands and then up at her. He smiled.

_ “Please.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! All the comments and kudos are sending me over the moon! Much love! Stay safe! You can come chat with me on tumblr (sureillthinkofabetteronelater) or discord (audi???🍣#4579)!!
> 
> See you all in the next one <3333


	8. Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siebren goes to the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! Thank you so much for reading! Please enjoy this one, it's a bit fluffier! <333
> 
> Edit: This chapter marks 12,000 words! I'm screeching ruehienrg XDD

_08\. Beach_

“I think, just this once, you should walk.”

He looked at her like a deer caught in headlights, eyes widening before he huffed in exasperation. 

The younger children had already gone ahead, their glee and joy heard from the mouth of Watchpoint Gibraltar’s garage. The sea was so loud from here, the blue waves crashing in the distance as the seagulls roamed in the sky. The beach itself was golden underneath the sun’s never ceasing attention, seeming to glitter from where they stood so high above the seal level.

Ana fixed the sunhat on her head before meeting his gaze, raising an eyebrow at him.

“It’s not a long walk, Siebren,” she added, looping her arm in his. He stared at her in indignation, no longer interested in moving past the threshold. “And besides: you --” she gestured at his frame, arm waving up and down, “-- float everywhere. A short walk to and fro won’t be that bad, hm?”

He sighed, warily passing his hands over the shirt that was given to him for today, a pretty teal accented with bits of white. He hummed, smiling to himself. He must thank whoever got it for him.

Siebren looked down at Ana, down at the ground, and then back at her, brows furrowing together as he followed the path. In not even a few metres, the concrete of the garage would disappear into a hastily made path, lined with a few rocks and signs that stretched down to a small, clearer stone walkway. 

Shaking his head, he sent her an apologetic expression. “I understand your desire to take me outside, but in truth…” he passed his hands along the wall, tapping it once before looking back at her. “I don’t really know what to…” he fought for a better word, snapping his fingers. “Being with people is very taxing,” he said instead.

She raised a finger in his face, and he sighed in defeat. Once Ana made her mind, there was no going against her.

“It won’t take very long, my friend,” she said again, smiling as she tapped his hand. “And if you want, you can just stay with me. Although… I did promise Hana I’d help her find some seashells. Wouldn’t you want a few for your room?” she asked, but her tone held a note of finality.

And so he didn’t voice his frustration as Ana began to walk, dragging him along as she went on about some of the seashells near the seashore. He didn’t argue as the sun blinded him for a moment, hindering his vision before his eyes adjusted to the bright landscape before him. Giving in to Ana’s suggestion, he came to rest on the ground, his pace halting for a moment as she looked at him.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, but he heard the amusement in her tone, the gentle relief that he was willing to try something new.

He dismissed her, tapping her hand as he bid her to move again. “It’s quite alright, Ana,” he replied, turning to look at the passing greenery and rocky formations as she went back to her own devices. He hummed, purposefully dragging his feet against the soil. His lack of shoes was a problem if he might say so himself, but the feeling of the earth under the soles of his feet was something he never thought he’d experience again.

Perhaps it was childish to become distracted with the plants, but he tugged on her arm anyways, looking at her with wide eyes as he pointed at a cluster of flowers.

He knelt down, for once becoming shorter than his soulmate. “Do you know what these are?” Siebren mumbled, fingering the petal of a purple plant. Ana pursed her lips, crouching down next to him as she held her chin. Out of amusement, really, he copied her expression, smiling when she chuckled.

For the nth time since he arrived in Gibraltar, Siebren found himself listening to Ana explain anything and everything he never thought he’d need to know. He didn’t understand biology, didn’t care for it, but to listen to someone so well educated on the topic was absolutely wonderful.

The memory was lost to him now, but he vaguely recalled her telling him about her studies in her youth, when being in the military didn’t seem like the only future she could pick from.  _ ‘A biologist,’ _ she said a long time ago, a whimsical tone in her voice as she seemed to get lost in her thoughts.

And then she’d shake her head, laughing quietly to herself as she pushed away her musings.

He sighed, pulling himself up so they could walk again.

If only she could’ve seen herself now.

When they reached the town, he couldn’t help the curiosity that washed over him, nearly forgetting where they were as he moved to observe his surroundings. Ana clicked her tongue, and he jumped, staring at her in surprise before remembering, expression near sheepish as he closed the distance between him and the sidewalk.

“Apologies. It seems like I forgot,” he said smoothly, and Ana laughed as they continued walking. 

He followed along wordlessly when Ana caught up with Hana and her friends, suddenly uncomfortable with being in a place with so many people he didn’t know.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the outdoors; no, Siebren  _ loved _ them. How else would he observe the sun, the moon, and the stars if not for the heavenly expanse that reigned supreme above their heads? 

Still, he released Ana’s arm as Hana and Lúcio flanked her sides, sending them well-respected nods as they hooked their arms in hers. He positioned his hands behind his back, tuning out their conversation as they began to talk about things he couldn’t bring himself to care about. He dismissed Ana’s questioning look when she turned, waving her off as the young pilot showed her a shell she had in her pocket.

In truth, it had been a long,  _ long _ time since Siebren simply  _ went _ outside. 

One might think staying with Overwatch would rectify this, but it didn’t. Not entirely.

He was quite wary of going outside, for his sole companions for the past how many years were nothing more than doctors, nurses, soldiers, and esteemed individuals, all of which seemed more interested in poking and prodding his mind and wellbeing than actually holding a stable conversation. It didn’t help that he only went outside for missions either, blanketed under the cover of night as he acted as a shield to those he was assigned to.

The battlefield was not a place for friends. He had learned this quite quickly.

One’s prison cell wasn’t the place for this either. He knew that too.

The beach appeared much too fast for his liking, the sun’s afternoon light making the ocean almost like a crystal. Siebren hadn’t realized he wasn’t keeping track of Ana and her whereabouts until he couldn’t find her, eyes roaming from one edge of the beach to the other as he accepted the reality of the situation.

He blinked when a few tourists pushed passed him to reach the beach, staring in mild confusion before his eyes widened in realization. Hastily, he moved out of the way, mumbling apologies as he stood on the side. He caught the hem of his shirt in between his fingers, trying his best to calm his distress as he loitered in the shade.

Taking a deep breath, Siebren moved away from the shops and down the steps that led to the sand.

His breath caught when he felt the grains under his feet, staring at the ground even as the sand seemed to burn him. He didn’t mind this of course, making sure to move out of the way as he kneeled down, flattening his palm against the sand as the rocks and grains swallowed his hand.

A smile bloomed across his face. Absolutely  _ marvelous. _

Reinvigorated, he continued across the beach, trying his best to look out for shells Hana and Lúcio might like, finding contentment in the simple activity that had him sifting through the sand. He stayed away from the people, sticking close to the rocks and tall grass as he dragged his feet. The possibility of sand in his room bothered him immensely, but he did suppose he could hover to save the other agents from dealing with a trail of sand throughout the base.

He stopped when he neared the water, looking down at the shells in his hand, up to the waves, and down again. Hesitantly, he placed them on the sand, situating them to ensure they wouldn’t be too dirtied when he was ready for them again.

Siebren hummed, rolling up his pants as the water came to the shore again, a smile pulling at his lips as brilliant blue met the beige of the earth, their joining lasting for a moment before the waves rolled back into the deep.

His chest tightened at the thought, and he pressed his hand over his heart in an effort to calm the beating.

It had been a very long time since he last went to the beach; a very long time since he was allowed to go outside. But in a sense, it seemed that it had been even longer since he was simply able to be in the open: no one hovering over his shoulder, no one with their finger over trigger; no sedatives, no threats --

Just him and his mind and an open sky.

The water was cold when he stepped in it, but he didn’t mind, wading further and further into the blue until it nearly touched his pants. He had rolled them up to stay dry,  _ not _ to get wet. He simply stood there, having no interest in moving forward or back towards the sand. Instead he crossed his arms and stared at the sky, uncaring for the water that left droplets on his shirt, that numbed his legs.

No, he stared at the clear sky, now painted with streaks of orange, purple and pink.

He did, however, stop moving through the water when he felt something in the sand. His eyes widened as he bent down, hands moving blindly until he picked up what he had stepped on. Pretty pinks and pristine blues stared back at him in the form of a conch shell.

He turned slightly when he saw a figure approaching in the distance, confusion marring his features before he recognized Ana’s sunhat and shawl. She waved at him as she moved towards the shells he discarded, shaking her basket in his direction as she added his findings to her collection.

“And what might you be doing out there?” she called, straightening her posture as she looked over at him. She raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. “Hana told me to tell you to stop getting lost. All the shells we collected were the ones we found while looking for you,” Ana remarked, and Siebren laughed as he waded towards the shore, holding the shell to his chest.

Ana tilted her head. “Did you find that?”

He smiled, nodding. “Indeed! It was hiding in the sand under the water.” Siebren handed it to her, trading the conch for the basket full of shells. He observed some of the seashells she had found before meeting her gaze again. “It’s pretty, isn’t it? I read once that if you put it close to your ear you can hear the ocean.”

“Well, of course you’ll hear the ocean. We’re standing right beside it.”

Siebren sent her a dry look as she began to chuckle, hiding her mouth as he huffed. “You know that’s not what I meant. We can try it somewhere else,” he insisted, offering his arm for her. His brows creased together, her arm slipping through his as he thought. “But where?”

His soulmate laughed as she shook her head, the conch shell secured under her arm as they began the walk back to the base. “We can listen to your shell when we return to the Watchpoint,” she said quietly, and he found himself nodding at the obvious suggestion. “For I am sure, when we’re far away from the water, it will be just as loud as it is now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I enjoy reading all your comments! It's so nice ;-;
> 
> Stay safe, much love! See you in the next one! <333333333333


	9. Satya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siebren and Satya have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Genshin Impact has been taking over my life XD!

_09\. Satya_

The base always felt the loneliest when it was void of its daily patrons, the humming too loud and footfalls too sound as one kept to themselves in the barren halls.

Missions were a phenomenon he was yet to get used to. After all, the agents of Overwatch already had their own shields in the form of a scientist, Crusader, and gamer. There was no need for him on the front lines in his current state. Of course, this didn’t bother him as much as it would have in the past. They weren’t leaving him behind because he was inept, only because there was no purpose for him yet.

As of right now, most, if not all the agents had gone on the mission, leaving as soon as light graced the horizon. Ana had given him a few things to do today, such as knitting or baking… Still, he couldn’t deny how horribly quiet it was in Watchpoint Gibraltar, the sun’s rays spilling through windows as the ocean hummed its song in the background.

This wasn’t to say there weren’t other people on the base. Quite the opposite! From his knowledge, Doctor Zhou, Mr. Lindholm, and a few others were still present. He fixed the few books and laptop he held in his arms, sighing heavily as he floated into the common room.

Surprise coloured his features when he paused, followed by a gentle smile as he came over to the couch. 

“Good morning, Miss Vaswani,” he said, placing his things on the couch opposite to her. “I hadn’t expected to see anyone else this morning, so this is a pleasant surprise.”

The woman, in question, hummed when she looked up from her own tablet, the pristine white of her prosthetic arm seeming to sparkle in the morning light. “A surprise indeed, Mr. de Kuiper.” A moment passed as she watched him settle, and he did his best to keep his books on a flat surface as took his glasses out of a small travel case. “If it’s a problem, I wouldn’t mind leaving.”

He started, shaking his head. “No, no, that wouldn’t be necessary, Miss Vaswani,” he said quickly. “And please, call me Siebren. I’m sure we will be great friends one day." While he wasn’t appalled to being alone, if he had the opportunity to face the quiet with a companion, he’d most definitely choose the latter over the former.

She gave him a guarded look before nodding. “Very well.”

He blinked, watching as she dismissed him before returning to her tablet. She crossed her legs, one over the other as she worked, brows furrowed in concentration as her fingers typed away. 

In truth, Siebren didn’t know too much about Satya Vaswani, only that she worked for Vishkar and had trouble with Lúcio when she first arrived. With the help of the other agents and communication, it had long since been resolved, the two having become quite civil in the months that followed her arrival. From his observations, she appeared to be a very resilient and hardworking woman, one who might be too caught up in her own beliefs and forms to see eye to eye with her colleagues.

Perhaps he was a little like this, he mused, pulling his legs into a lotus position as he reached for a book. Being passionate about something had its perks as well as its flaws; having a passion meant being knowledgeable, but with too much passion, one could be blinded by their own opinions and suspicions. 

He glanced up at her, only to jump to find her staring.

She stretched out in front of her, grabbing one of the volumes he had brought from his room. “Your books. They’re floating.”

A beat. “Well, indeed they are!”

Gently, he beckoned the book back to him with a simple flick of his finger, the volume slipping out of her grasp and into orbit around his head. Miss Vaswani frowned.

“Do you always do this?” she asked, pointing at the various books that had taken to the air around him. “Is it not distracting? To have your supplies in various places?”

Siebren hummed, saving his work as he took off his glasses. “Why, of course. Before I first learned to control my abilities, it was such a hazard to put things in rooms with me. No matter what it was, living or not, it would be in the air the moment it got too close.” He chuckled at the expression on her face. “But over time, you come to get used to it. It’s almost comforting.”

Miss Vaswani sat back down, setting her tablet aside as she leaned forward. “Comforting? But it’s so… it’s so disorganized?” She scoffed, shaking her head as she sat back up. “What if you lose your page or your notes? If your pen got too far away? What if you accidently hit something?” She shuddered. “I could never work like that.”

He frowned, confused with her sudden unrest. “I’ll have you know I’m a very organized individual myself,” he replied, turning his laptop off before resting it beside him. “But sometimes I can’t help but allow them to float away.” Siebren pondered, brows furrowing as he searched for the right words. “Think of it as an outlet of frustration or unease. My emotions are linked to my… abilities, so breaking the connection between gravity and some things around gives me the opportunity to vent my frustrations properly.”

He paused, brightening as he watched her. “Does that make sense, Miss Vaswani?”

“Yes, of course. I shouldn’t have judged so quickly.”

Silence enveloped them as they sat, and Siebren tried his best to pick up the conversation before it became too awkward to salvage. Her unease was still horribly visible, her shoulders tense as she tried (and failed) to pay attention to her work.

“Would it make you feel better if we organized them?” he asked, clasping his hands together as he watched her. A million emotions seemed to pass across her face, surprise, suspicion, and genuine thankfulness being the main ones.

At her gentle nod, he willed his books and writing supplies to drop, papers, notes, and other things coming loose as they landed on the floor and couch. They work in silence once again, but this one is not unwanted. Instead, it’s a comfortable peace that rested above their heads as they organized his notes (marked and unmarked), arranged his books (oldest to newest), and put all his pens and pencils in a small pencil case created by Miss Vaswani.

Astonished, he gestured to the case when they finished. “Your craftsmanship is amazing, Miss Vaswani,” he exclaimed, his smile widening when he saw the matching one on her face. “I had always known Vishkar’s technology to be top of the line, but this --” he held it up to see as if it was a prize. “--  _ this _ is revolutionary!”

Miss Vaswani winced as she chuckled. “It is just a pencil case.”

“Yes! But a pencil case made of hard light!” He smiled as he looked at it again. “Truly amazing.”

She didn’t reply to that, offering to help him carry his belongings to his room instead. He agreed, if only to allow her to carry the pencil case she crafted for him, the books and laptop safe in his arms. They greeted Torbjörn and Doctor Zhou when they walked past the recreation room, taking note of the ping pong game before moving along.

Siebren blinked when Miss Vaswani spoke.

“Was my… unease that obvious?” she mumbled, and he felt his shoulders fall at how defeated she sounded. Oh, how much he wished to tell her it was alright, that she didn’t have to fret or worry around him, but instead he let her continue, subdued as they walked the sunlit halls. “I’m trying my very best to hide my discomfort. I’ll have you know it’s very difficult in an environment like this. I want to… I  _ need _ to get along with people -- it’s the only way to ensure a successful comradery -- and yet, I feel like I spoil the opportunity every time I catch someone’s gaze.”

Her eyes hardened when she looked up at him, her pace slowing once they reached the men’s quarters. 

  
“I am not telling you this because we are friends, Mr. de Kuiper," she said flatly, opening her mouth to continue when he silenced her with a raised hand.

“Don’t waste your breath, Miss Vaswani. I understand.”

Confusion. “What do you understand?”

He smiled, opening his door to place the books down by the threshold. “There is something comforting that comes with speaking to someone you don’t know,” he replied, taking the pencil case from her silently. "With no further information, any judgement they make of you is brutal and true. No cutting corners.” He relaxed when she nodded, grinning. “So there is no need to explain your rambling. I assure you, in time, you’ll get used to this friendship thing.”

Miss Vaswani blinked, eyes wide as she stared. And then she laughed as they started back down the hall, shaking her head. “You must call me Satya then. It is only fair if we are to be friends.”

He returned her enthusiasm, hands clasped behind his back. “Very well, Satya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot! <33333


	10. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siebren gets upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

10\. _Anger_

The common area was so loud at this time of day, different agents filing in and out as the hours mulled along.

He was trying his best to read despite the noise, participating in what Ana called “mindless social interaction” as she knitted beside him. Her activity didn’t require him to speak to others. Instead, it only needed him to sit in their presence lest they need anything. That way, he was being social only if he needed to be social. Much less taxing than actually talking to people.

Now this wasn’t a bother, in fact, Siebren treated it more like a comfort than anything else. Maybe it was because something told him he was used to the noise and commotion, years and years of experience slipping through his fingers as the habits remained the same.

The book he was reading wasn’t one he picked out by choice; rather, it was given to him by Brigette, the small engineer’s daughter. It was an old hardcover, yellowed and dusted with age (which shocked him no less), the stories of a boy and his adventures in his magical academia poured out onto the pages in front of him. In truth, Siebren never actually took the time to read such novels, too busy with school and work to indulge in himself.

Who would’ve thought that he would be given the opportunity so late in his life?

He startled when someone tapped his shoulder, eyes widening as he started to hover. Still, he released the breath he was holding at Ana’s surprised expression, mild shock painting her features when he noted she was floating with him. Shaking her head, he willed himself to relax, sinking into the couch as she moved to stand.

“I’ll be right back,” she told him, fixing her yarn and hook so they were wrapped together. “I forgot I needed to speak with Angela about upping the performance of my antidotes.” Ana glanced at the clock, pursing her lips as she fixed her scarf. “I shouldn’t be more than half an hour.”

Siebren laughed, waving her away as he used his thumb to mark his page. “No need to tell me about your whereabouts, Ana. I’m not your superior, so feel no need to report to me.” A smile as she chuckled, crossing her arms. “I’ll still be here with your yarn when you come back.”

“Thank you, my friend,” she replied, her steps barely heard over the murmuring of the common area.

He heaved out a sigh as he returned to the scarred child’s adventure.

A few moments passed as he read, brows creased as he tried to focus on the pages in front of him. Except… he found he could no longer pay attention, mind too preoccupied with those around him to find interest in the novel. Reluctantly, he dogeared his page, clasping his hands in his lap as he observed his surroundings.

A shudder. So many people.

He blinked when Hana sat next to him, a smug grin on her face as she turned to look at the boy with dreads. Siebren smiled when Lúcio waved, the young man’s expression almost rivalling Hana’s as he sat down next to her.

The boy stretched before leaning forward, brown eyes twinkling as he grinned. “Say, we got a question for you,” Lúcio started, glancing at Hana before meeting his gaze again.

Siebren frowned, cautious, but nodded slowly in encouragement for them to continue.

Hana waved her hand in front of Lúcio then, shushing him as she spoke up. “We know your name is Mr. de Kuiper, but do you have a callsign? Or like… a special name you use when on missions?” she asked, her voice taking on an excited beat as she beamed. He barely had time to voice a reply when she was speaking again. “I mean, we _all_ have one. It’s like how I’m D.Va and Angie is Mercy.”

A callsign? He chuckled nervously, flattening his palms against the fabric of his pants as he tilted his head, looking at the children out of the corner of his eye. “Well, it’s been a while since I’ve thought about it, let alone actually serve out on the field.” He paused, genuinely curious as to what they meant. “Aren’t you supposed to --”

“When we first came to pick you up they called you Sigma,” Lúcio said excitedly, but Siebren froze at the use, eyes widening as he watched them, the two oblivious to the sudden chill in his expression. “Should we call you that?”

The girl brightened at her companion’s words, nudging his shoulder. “I didn’t know that!” Then, to him: “so your callsign is Sigma? That’s pretty cool! I remember learning about those in physics.”

Perhaps they couldn’t tell how much they were bothering him, his hands now curled into fists in his lap. He didn’t like the name, he never did. It was assigned to him, he never got to pick it. In fact, he was for _years,_ his name lost as _Sigma_ took its place. He shuddered, raising a shaky hand in an effort to ease the beating in his chest. He didn’t like the name. He didn’t like it. Didn’t like it. Not at all.

His hands twitched, their words jumbling into an insistent buzz as he stared at nothing, eyes wide as the ocean roared (why was it so loud? he was inside). Ana would tell him to use his own words, to tell them how he felt about the topic, the subject, the _name._ But he couldn’t, couldn’t if he tried, and yet he couldn’t bear to hear them use it, shoulders rising and falling as he listened.

Count. Count. He was good at counting. When his stress reached its limit, Doctor O’deorain would count with him over the communication system. No one was allowed to distract him while they were counting, first in English, then in Dutch, once in Gaelic, and over and over until he could breathe. She didn’t do it often, didn’t have the time, but he appreciated the sentiment whenever she did take the time to count. Even now he heard her voice in his head, the heavyweight of her words acting like an anchor.

And so that was what he did now, trying his best to regulate his emotions in an effort not to disturb Ana a few ways away. He didn’t recall telling her about the name, the word. For once, he didn’t think he needed to. He didn’t need a guardian, a protector, and yet… and yet he couldn’t even speak for himself.

There were more voices now, someone else was speaking to him (to him?), their voice firm and still too distant for him to understand what they were saying. Hazy. His vision was hazy. Who was beside him again? The children? Their names. He was so bothered. Counting, counting. There are numbers in his head, too many numbers in his head. Vowels, consonants, why were they blending together? 

When he thought about it now, maybe he reacted too strongly, eyes widening as someone placed their hand on his shoulder, what was meant to be a soothing touch festering into fear as he grabbed their wrist.

_“Don’t,”_ he seethed, unaware of his effects on the room around him. “Don’t touch me.”

Wide brown eyes stared back at him, black hair falling into their face, but he didn’t know who it was, couldn’t attach a name. He stepped away from the couch, releasing them as he took to the air. 

“You children don’t listen,” he spat, disgust lacing his voice as he glared at them (he couldn’t see; he couldn’t see; he could --). “I’ve been trying to tell you how I felt and you children don’t _listen!”_

He clasped his arms around himself, shaking his head as he looked at the ground. “It isn’t _fair._ I tried to tell you. Were you too blind to see? Or were you just too stubborn?” A strangled cry tried to cut through his head, cut through his mind, but he couldn’t hear them, the melody in his head crescendoing to uncontrollable highs.

This… this _feeling…_ it was new. He had never once felt this before, and if he had, it must’ve been a very, very long time since he last did. It was like something was bubbling inside his chest, an uncomfortable heat that forged its way into his bones. 

His hand shook as he raised it above his head, the other covering his heart. The room seemed to be flying with him, everything in absolute disorder as he bent gravity to his will.

Sigma was _angry._

He didn’t hear the cries, the pleas, didn’t hear anything at all as he moved to bring his hand --

“Doctor de Kuiper!”

Everything stilled, shock painting his features as he looked to -- looked, _down_ at the doorway. The blonde doctor stared up at him, brows furrowed together in distress. And then someone pushed past her and shame, _shame,_ flooded his frame when Ana stood in front of her, the confused expression on her face morphing into fear. 

And then he looked at what they saw, his body dropping to the ground as terror wrapped him in a heavy blanket.

The entire room was suspended, furniture, food, drinks, and the like locked in mid-air as gravity held them in place. But that wasn’t his concern, no, his worry was the people -- the _children_ \-- who wouldn’t meet his gaze, who fished around for each other. Hana, Lúcio, ah, Miss Vaswani, others, they were all there, watching, waiting, scared.

He scared them.

Slowly, he removed his imprint from the common area, a strange calm washing over him as everyone touched the ground. He stepped away when everyone stood up, unable to bring himself to believe their laughs as orange juice fell on top of Hana’s head. 

Siebren jumped when Ana walked over to him, her eyes vacant of the warm expression they usually held. He looked down at her hands, his chest tightening at the sight of his book and her yarn. He was supposed to watch those, but instead… 

She tried to smile, but he saw through it. “Sie--”

  
“None of that, Ana,” he said shortly, stepping away from her. “I almost… I’m a danger.”

She frowned, shaking her head. “You’re not a danger, you just need --”

“I think it would be better if I stayed away --”

“You don’t have to do that,” Ana insisted, reaching over to pat his shoulder. He flinched and she stopped, chestnut meeting ice as she stepped back in understanding. “I’m here if you need me.”

He nodded sharply before leaving the common area, trying his best to ignore the whispers and the music as he moved. It didn’t matter if they were alright now, if Hana was covered in juice, if Lúcio could laugh, it didn’t matter because he almost killed them all.

_Again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, beans! Thanks for sticking around! Much love, stay safe! <333


	11. Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot minute, but hello there, loves! <3333

_11\. Company_

It had been one week since they brought Subject Sigma to Watchpoint Gibraltar. One very long, tiring week.

Ana sighed heavily as she walked through the empty halls, the buzzing of the fluorescent lights over her head flooding her senses. In truth, she never really liked this part of the base, the halls too dark and the rooms too cramped for her to appreciate it properly. But that wasn’t what bothered her the most, no, it was the giant holding cell that was curated just for...  _ problematic _ prisoners. 

She glanced at the two cups in her hand as she walked, one with green tea and the other with chamomile. Her holovid was secured under her arm, footfalls muffled by the soft padding of her slippers. She rolled her eyes as she made her way to the cells, for sleep had a bad habit of evading her when she needed it most.

Careful not to spill the drinks, she used her hip to push open the door that was left cracked. Unsurprisingly, Angela slept over the small desk in the room, the bags under her eyes much too dark for Ana’s liking. 

Placing the cups down, Ana rubbed the younger woman’s shoulder, rousing her from her slumber. She ignored the brilliant blue eyes that met her own in a hurry, smiling warmly as she rested her holovid on the desk. “What have I told you about staying up to work, Angela?” Ana said flatly, pushing the chamomile tea towards her. “I made this for you. Drink it quickly.”

The other woman huffed before yawning, covering her mouth before taking the offered cup. “Thank you, Ana,” she replied tiredly, a sleepy smile pulling at her lips after she took a sip. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, you know,” Angela said, and Ana shook her head fondly, a noncommittal hum escaping her. “I’m not lying, Ana! I had only turned the communications system off for a brief moment and boom --” she shook for added effect, “-- I was sleeping.”

Ana frowned, lips pressed into a thin line as she brought the cup away from her mouth. Only then did she allow herself to look through the glass, the grip on her cup tightening just a fraction at the sight.

A man, older, taller, stood… no,  _ floated _ in the middle of the room, rotating slowly on an axis he created all by himself. Eyes shut, brows furrowed, his hands moved as if he was conducting, as if he was writing. She wondered if he knew what he was doing, following him with her eyes as he moved about the holding cell. 

Silence.

“Is he alright in there by himself?” she asked, lips curling downward as she looked around his empty room. She turned to Angela, gesturing to the few furniture items he did have. “Are those secure? They should be bolted to the ground lest he has an outbreak that damages them all.”

The doctor blinked in surprise, glancing at the cell before humming. She rubbed at her eyes as she sipped her tea again. “They aren’t, but that is a good idea. I can ask Torbjörn to come do that tomorrow,” she said, and Ana nodded at this, the stress she felt quickly leaving her. 

Quiet enveloped them as they stood there, simply watching him float around the room before Angela yawned, a pink blush covering her cheeks as she hid her face. Ana smiled.

“You should go to bed, Angela,” she said, moving to sit. “I can stay up with him.”

Angela sputtered, shaking her head. “Absolutely not! It isn’t your job to monitor the patient, Ana.”

The sniper smiled as she sipped her tea, closing her eyes. “Nonsense. That doesn't make me any less qualified, does it not?” she asked, and the doctor sighed in defeat. “It’s alright, Angela. It will be fine, I’m sure.”

She opened her mouth to argue, only to be stopped by another yawn, blinking rapidly as she held her teacup. Ana sent her a dry look before pointing at the exit. “Goodnight, Doctor Ziegler.”

“Goodnight, Ana,” she replied tiredly, sending her a sheepish wave as she slipped through the door. Ana listened as the doctor walked away, straining her ears as Angela’s footsteps became softer and softer before disappearing altogether. 

Then, silence.

She turned in her chair, placing her cup down as she picked up the files Angela had left on the tabletop. A part of her heart warmed at seeing a familiar name on the cover, her finger sweeping over the letters before she opened it. 

It wasn’t that she was unfamiliar with this information, quite the contrary. In her past, she had spent hours pouring over articles and sources in hopes of finding any discrepancies, spent days searching through legal files in an effort to find something that would’ve told her he really hadn’t died, that there was a misunderstanding.

But then, of course, a long time ago she was dead too. And yet here they are.

She pushed the file away, tapping the rim of her cup as she reached for her holovid. A heavy sigh escaped her as a bright three fifty-seven stared up at her, the white font appearing almost blinding in the near dark room. Tiredly, she rose from the chair to switch on the light, blinking a few times at the sudden change before looking through the glass.

Their subject was floating effortlessly, as if his room was on the ISS itself. The only difference was that he was curled in on himself now, knees drawn to his chest as he spun, uncaring of the direction as he mourned.

Her heart clenched. Why on earth did he seem so distressed?

She turned the communications system on before she knew what she was doing, a quiet buzzing filtering through the speakers as they readied themselves.

And then she heard it… the crying.

Slow realization washed over her. So  _ this _ was what she was feeling.

Overwhelmed with obligation, Ana moved to sit again, no longer interested in her tea as she turned the mic on. His reaction was immediate, his gaze flickering towards the mirror as his eyes widened in shock. 

“Mr. de Kuiper, are you alright?” she asked, doing her best to keep her voice levelled as she spoke.

He blinked, and Ana was sure he could see her despite the glass’ partial sincerity. “Alright?” he echoed, tapping his wrist as he thought. “No… no, I am not alright.” he said finally, the syllables seeming to shake. “I am so lonely in here, Doctor Ziegler.”

He thought she was Angela? Stifling a laugh, Ana had barely opened her mouth in reply when he spoke again, shaking his head as he held his chin. “No, no, apologies, you’re not the doctor.”

And then she watched as he touched the ground, flattening his palms against his shirt as he walked towards the glass. Like a child discovering a new toy, he tapped against it once, twice, before pushing away, elevating himself as he crossed his legs in a lotus position.

“You’re a new friend,” he said instead, nodded as if he liked this idea. “Hello, friend. Are you here to keep me company tonight?” He looked up then, and it was suddenly her turn to be surprised as icy blue met chestnut brown, despite the possibilities of that happening being near zero through the one way mirror.

At her silence, he deflated, shoulders falling. “Apologies. I shouldn’t have assumed,” he said quietly, voice much too soft for a man of his stature and mind.

Ana snapped out of her head then, humming as she finished the last of her tea. “No, it’s alright, my friend. I was just surprised,” she said, releasing a breath as he relaxed. “I’m still quite new to this company thing, but Doctor Ziegler is quite tired, so I’ll be taking her place for tonight.” She held her tongue for a moment before speaking.

“My name is Ana.”   
  
He started, mouth falling open in momentary shock before he brightened, fashioning a smile that had her shaking her head in fond amusement. Siebren beamed. “Nice to meet you, Ana.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so much for reading <3333 mwaps~

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the start of a self-indulgent drabble series. Or, at least that's what I thought it was going to be when I sat down and wrote the first chapter. It soon occurred to me that this _wasn't_ just another "Sigma ends up with Overwatch" story, but it quickly turned into a vent fic in which I really needed.
> 
> Updates... updates will happen when they do. There's no schedule, and the story isn't exactly in chronological order. 
> 
> The focus here is Sigma getting better. That's it. The road to recovery isn't an easy process, and hell, I'm struggling too, but in my own way, writing this is really helping me so take my humble offerings!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading all the way to the bottom! Can't wait to see you in the next chapter! 
> 
> Much love, stay safe <3333  
> (P.S. go check out It's Alright by Mother Mother)


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